Gábor is a life-loving man, part of the artist high-society in Budapest. He is always busy setting up new goals, but never seems to be satisfied. As the son of poor factory workers, he had to work himself all the way up to where he is now. His reaction to pancreatic cancer is quite unusual: he ultimately believes in survival and takes the experience as a chance for a total reboot. Gabor starts chemotherapy, alternative medicine, and goes to three psychologists while working on his relationship with his two sons. He wants to reinterpret his relation to work, family, success and find a new, more honest way of life. After twelve cycles of chemotherapy and a lifesaving operation, he miraculously survives. Still, the long-awaited catharsis did not happen. Overcoming his habits and finding a real change turns out to be more difficult than staying alive. Letting go of the mask of the strong, confident man and discovering the emotions hiding beneath it, seems impossible. He needs to be in control which leaves no space for a real experience. Gábor did not give himself the time to reflect on what he has gone through. It seems like he is afraid that if he stops, he dies; as if he was running on a frozen lake, melting under his feet. Through the intimate portrayal of Gabor’s fight, the film deals with the existential struggle of the modern world. If not a fatal illness, what can make us slow down to be able to listen to what we really need? Why are we so scared of facing our own traumas?
cast and crew
Director: Asia Dér
Producer: Noémi Veronika Szakonyi, Krisztina Meggyes, Máté Artur Vincze
Director of Photography: Balázs Domokos
Editor: Károly Szalai
Composer: Gábor Keresztes
Sound Mixer: Rudolf Várhegyi
The project participated at: 
CIRCLE Women Doc Accelerator
Cannes Docs-in-Progress at Marché du Film